Monday, 13 February 2012

#49: You Won't See Me/The End/You've Got to Hide Your Love Away

A victory of sorts for anyone who hates me, my blog or all the things I supposedly represent.

I'm tired and I quit. I'm tired of picking fights I can't win with people I don't know. I'm tired of being accused of elitism and of destroying a sport I love for people just like me, who simply love to do it.

I'm sorry that I've hurt people with my words... words! I've said things that were hurtful, angry, offensive and entirely unnecessary; and while I took/take full responsibility for those words, and while I stand behind them, I realize they were/are not doing any good to anyone. They are not needed and therefore shall be no more. Goodbye 'Angry Dan;' hello 'Happy Dan.'

It's one thing to be told by others that you are not a good person. It's another thing altogether to realize that for yourself! I'm deeply disturbed and saddened by this. I'm not happy about what I've said and done if this is the result. I need to be better than this. I want to be better than this. I'm not a bad person, an angry person, or even an elitist person. I am a passionate person. I have opinions. Strong opinions. Many that people don't like. So be it.

Passion aside, I'm sad to admit that I love very few things in this world. One of those things is to run. The simple act of running.

In many ways, my priorities have been mixed up. I've spent far too much time on this recreational (and yes, I too am nothing more than a recreational runner) leisure pursuit which has hindered my progress in other important areas of my life. It has held me back and caused trouble as much as it has brought joy and happiness to my life. Those are the choices we make.

All I ever wanted was to run. And that's what I'm going to do. No more words, no more anger or hate; just running. I'll train, I'll run and I'll race.

I now see that I am, and have always been, a very selfish person. I also think that running is a selfish endeavour: you get out what you put in; no one can do it for you. It's also the easiest way to escape. Escape everything and everyone and just be free, totally free. Perhaps not the best way of dealing with the challenges of life; but the one I have chosen.

Today I ran. Tomorrow I will too. I won't always be able to run; but if I can, and when I can, I will. I always will. And I hope you will as well. Keeping running.

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